*08/07/19: I completely forgot to publish this post! It's been months since I wrote it and to be honest, I completely forgot about it. Sorry!*
Hey guys! Guess what? I've moved! That's right, for the first time in my adult life I have moved more than a few hours away from home. When I found out that I was moving I was so excited! Like beyond excited. So much so that the days started to drag by, especially within the last few weeks before moving, and I just could not wait to start my new life.
Then things started to get complicated. Twenty days before my move I got into a car accident that totaled my new (to me) car. To make things worse, I was finding it difficult to secure a transfer with my job because my new potential boss(es) wanted to meet with me before even considering taking me on. Because I was still working, I was falling behind on packing and sorting my things, and without my car, I just couldn't see myself taking all of my no longer used things to be donated- because heaven knows I have a hard time asking for help when I need it. I started doubting whether or not I should go. With no car, no job, things pilling up, and impending car payments on a totaled car for the next few years, I was starting to feel hopeless and defeated.
If I had been planning the move alone I honestly probably wouldn't have gone. But because my wonderful boyfriend was going to be there I was able to get past my doubts and fears and instead focus on the future that we were going to build together. We were moving for him after all. He found a really good job (his dream job) straight out of college, literally just before he graduated, and the only catch was that he needed to relocate. He asked me if I would like to go with him and I said yes. And up until 20 days before the move I was fully invested and stoked to go. But once everything started falling apart I began to doubt my choice and I worried about our future. I am the kind of person that has to fake it until I feel it. I was happy with him therefore I could somehow be happy with this entire situation. Every once in a while I'd let him in on how down I was feeling, but I tried to do that as little as possible because I wanted this experience to be positive for us. And now that I am here I couldn't be happier that I forced myself to follow through with it.
It honestly still doesn't feel real. I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow in my mothers house living the same tired day-to-day life that I had really begun to dread. Despite that I can honesty say that I am happier than I have been in years. I am a person with an anxiety disorder, not just occasional anxious feelings, but a disorder that typically causes me a general feeling of dread, panic, and emotional distress. This is something that plagued me since I was a child. I'm not saying that I am cured, but since moving away from my small town, which is still the home of many of my school bullies and the location of my most traumatic experiences, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I still feel distressed while shopping in large crowded stores, when going for walks off of busy roads, and while crossing the street without sunglasses (long story), but it's so much more bearable than it used to be. I am so grateful that I was able to make this move.
He and I are only going to be here and Raleigh temporarily before heading to our final destination in Dallas, Texas. So for now, I'm going to try and explore as much of this lovely city as I possibly can. and I'll be sure and take lots more pictures like the ones included in this post. Projects that I finished while in Raleigh:
![[Knits In By Denine]](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JeR8aTHwWKo/VZxizlx65rI/AAAAAAAAALE/9WFCuoF4PmU/s1600/knitsinblacksm.jpeg)
Posts
No comments